robrohr.org : canada

These curtains are soothing if you are red-green colorblind...

robrohr — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 01:57:00 GMT

I just got back from a week of fiddling up in the Great White North, or more accurately, the Great Sandy Nord. I attended for the first time the first annual Camp Violon Trad Quebec, where the likes of Andre Brunet, Stephanie Lepine, Martine Billette and Eric Beaudry crammed notes into our skulls by the shovelful. Because there were so many tunes to learn, there was absolutely no time to have any fun.

The individuals in this photo, despite appearances are NOT having a grand old time at a Mardi Gras evening on Tuesday. This is simply a display of the tremendous acting skills of the students at this camp. From left to right, you will find the following serious individuals pretending to be having a heck-uv-a time.

- Carol D. - English teacher and schoolmarm at a private school in southern Vermont
- Joan F. - Law enforcement officer at an institute of higher education in central Illinois
- Donna M. - Research Librarian for a large municipal library in Canada
- Doug L. - High school science teacher in central Vermont
- Rob R. (no relation) - Computer programmer for a large state university in northwestern Vermont

Though the preparatory materials indicated that there would be a Mardi Gras evening, I would like to point out that I came completely unprepared, not knowing what such would entail. I suspected I would sit in the corner, ready to be entertained by the outlandish outfits and antics of the less repressed. Then I walked through the lounge near the entrance to my sleeping quarters. A chorus of angels began singing one of those songs from the Little Mermaid. A silver spear of light pierced the windows, and through my tears of joy, I saw... the curtains. Sheer beauty, I tell you. Other than the color choice, the pattern and the drape. At that moment, I knew I would come to the party as Carmen Miranda (Really? No idea? Check her out on youtube). We had the fruit technology and duct tape in the kitchen, we had the appropriate swathes of material. How could I possibly go wrong? Oh yeah. No frikkin' time. So a few safety pins from the basket on the sink in the (ehem, women's) rest room, an excursion up the wall to liberate a few yards of material, and there you have it: a colourblind Scotsman. I was asked what was holding up my kilt, but I believe the appropriate question is, "Whet's hauldin' her doon, aye?"

I was kilt clad throughout dinner and the subsequent improv show (similar to who's line is it anyway, only with fiddles and a language barrier). The next morning, the only indication of these curtains had gone for a bit of a road trip was a few wrinkles where I had been "settin' ma' wee hiney on the carrick*." You can see some of the curtain hanging loops below my left fist. By midnight, these curtains were back on the rod where they belonged, and only this photo to remind us of the rollicking good times that occurred on Tuesday evening at the first ever Camp Violon Trad Quebec.

* Yes, I know that Carrick is constituency represented in the Irish House of Commons between 1614 and 1800, and thus this statement makes no sense, but I was in the middle of an improv and a carrick sounds like something a fake Scotsman might sit upon, especially if he has a certain red-green color differentiation issues.

Photo Credit: Elizabeth Szekeres, 2008

Monday Mobilizer Madness Winners...

robrohr — Mon, 06 Jun 2005 20:58:00 GMT

And the winners of the Monday Night Mobilizer Madness is...

The canux!

Why am I so excited about this? Because I was granted honorary canuxxedness at the last minute as the contest was about to start.

Only two of the team members were actually from Canada, but they were good-natured enough to grant us temporary asylum. Apparently it involves holding a beer while tearing about the convention center. Thankfully, no Scotsmen were injured during this event.

There was another team named the canucks, but they apparently expended all their mental effort on spelling and grammar, rather than the important things (don't spill your beer while running up the stairs.) I guess this would mean that we are the canuxx0rz!

The Spoils:

Contrary to the literature, the winning team members did not win "brand spanking new VX6600 Verizon Smartphone(s)." We did, however, each win an iriver PMC-120 portable media player.

Team members:

Jeff Gerard - Wawanesa Insurance
Terry Smith - Wawanesa Insurance
Steve Shurte - Lexis Nexis
Matt Lipinski - Lexis Nexis
Doug Lutz - Lexis Nexis
Andrew Loree - Lexis Nexis
Rob Rohr - University of Vermont

Honorary award for Best Team Name goes to: The Asshats. I wonder if my prissy blog will edit that one out?

Everybody was tremendously good sports. Good luck to the folks going on Tuesday & Wednesday evenings!

Oh, Canada! Our home and native land...

My old job was sort of like this...

robrohr — Mon, 07 Feb 2005 23:01:00 GMT

When I used to work for TDS Telecom, I was often asked to do completely pointless tasks.

This Canadian kindred spirit had the good fortune to have a job where the silliness of the management could be broadcast to the public eye. My audience was nowhere near as public.

My foreign language study continues...

robrohr — Fri, 12 Nov 2004 13:23:00 GMT

Margot sent me these...

"Hello. Are you a Canadian border guard?":
"Bonjour. Êtes-vous une esti de garde canadienne de frontière?"

"I would like to apply for permanent residence"
"Je voudrais solliciter la résidence permanente"

"I am a political refuge. The reason? My former country has been overrun with morons and rednecks."
"Je suis un chris de refugé politique. La raison? Mon ancien pays a été débordé avec des asti d'innocentes et des batardes."

"Before I step over the border, I have a couple of questions for you."
"Avant que je passe la frontière, j'ai un couple des questions pour vous."

"Can the Prime Minister say the word 'nuclear'?"
"Peut le premier ministre dire le mot 'nucléaire'?"

"Is Canada at war with anyone for no good reason?"
"Le Canada à la guerre avec n'importe qui, et est-il pour aucune bonne raison?"

"Do you allow pretend cowboys to be in positions of power?"
"Laissez-vous des osti de cowboys dans des positions de pouvoire?"

"Yes, no, and no? Fine. Let me the [fsck] in."
"Oui, non, et non? Et ben, Laissez-moi rentre la dedans chris de tabarnaque de callis."

Time off for double plus un-bad behavior.

robrohr — Tue, 24 Sep 2002 16:50:00 GMT

It's been a while and the masses are agitating. What could possibly follow that delightful cat unionization piece? What are those cute little fuzzy beasts up to now? When will the hilarity ever end?

Needless to say, the management chooses not to provide the little hairy socialists with any free publicity, so we'll move on to a topic that has relevance in todays more secure world: License Plates. The way this country is headed, we'll all end up detained indefinitely as enemy combatants. No messy civil rights issues that way. With nobody left in the outside world of "free society", I suspect crime rates may finally fall below 5% per 100,000.

Since we'll all be pushing out license plates on an assembly line, why not visit the Acme License Maker and exercise some creative juices before that sort of activity becomes seditious and punishable by solitary confinement.

Simply choose a state, and a license plate style, select the text to appear on the plate and voila! You've just turned into the type of person that says voila.

You have your choice of many styles per state.

Naturally, you are not limited in your choice of prose.

Other plates are available for the US and Canada:

Out of compassion for the youngsters, I'm restraining my more basic urges to make rude license plates. Also, based on my memory of playground shenanigans, today's youths would probably come up with better (ruder) license plates. Good clean wholesome fun for the entire family!