robrohr.org : contests

Caption contest entry at AmericaBlog

robrohr — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 02:03:00 GMT

I'm a big reader of political blogs, AmericaBlog among them. Back in April, I ran across a caption contest at that site which showed a number of graphics that were generated by the Homeland Security Department in the hopes of conveying useful safety information, without excluding those who don't read English. You can decide for yourself how successful the designers were. Next to each graphic below, I have posted my caption entry, with slight revisions from the original.

1. Government secrets are secret for a very good reason. Because of this, it is important that you do NOT ask to see what is stored in government file cabinets. Freedom Of Information Act (FOIA) requests are a tool of communists and the ACLU. Knowledge of the internal workings of the government will either reduce the effectiveness of anti-terrororist programs or show our European allies and other terrorists how ineffective these programs already are.

2. Should you be stricken by some malady or terrorist act, it is important that you protect your identity. By tattooing the barcode from your National ID card on your torso, looters will be unable to steal your identity and use it to buy DVDs, pornography, auto parts and armaments on the internet. By placing the tattoo on non-prurient areas of your upper thorax, your identity will be easily accessible by police for speedy processing through security checkpoints. Safety tip: looters and terrorists sometimes disguise themselves as liberals, white persons, emergency responders or high government officials.

3. When liberal-americans (communists) counter your deeply held convictions with a barrage of facts and clouds of data, derail the conversation by "losing" your contact lens and crawl into the next room where it is safe to place a call to us at the Department of Homeland Security, notifying us of the location of any terrorist-sympathizers or peace activists still at large.

4. The study of sciences such as biology, chemistry and climatology is dangerous in that it reduces the time available for prayer, contemplation and Bible study. Be assured that the government is gathering massive quantities of the best research produced by American scientists and depositing it into abandoned salt mine shafts in Nevada, two miles below the earth's surface, beneath tons of nuclear waste, minimizing the harm such rational thought can do to our national theology.

5. The noxious bloviation, tortured logic and rhetoric of conservative media outlets such as Fox News and right-wing radio can cause dizzyness, nausea and shooting pains in the listener's neck. By exaggerating the amount of pain you feel, you can stir in the average liberal feelings of compassion, and a desire to ease your suffering. If you receive offers of assistance, ask for Oxycontin, which is quite effective in treating these symptoms. Liberals are more likely to share their prescription medications without charging excessive markup.

6. Beware of any seafood meal that has visible gills or fins. Such meals are usually available only in French restaurants or effete liberal-coastal eateries. If you must eat fish, make sure it comes in one of the following DHS inspected and approved forms: fish-stick, fish-wich, or hockey puck (tuna cans.)

7. In the event of the Rapture, pull over to the side of the road. Quickly but calmly exit the car, and help any travelling companions who are saved out of the vehicle. Find a flat open area from which you can ascend into heaven without interference from overhanging branches or other obstacles. While you are waiting to begin your ascent into heaven, you have a few moments to finish consuming any remaining natural resources.

8. Emergency brakes are notorious for spreading disease. It is best to simply abstain from using the emergency brake altogether. Liberals say you can use a condom on the emergency brake to limit the spread of disease, but what they won't tell you is that condoms are ineffective against the spread of Human Papilloma Virus (HPV,) a leading cause of cervical cancer in people who drive standard transmission. It is best to avoid temptation and leave the emergency brake to Hollywood elitists who screech around corners in car chases.

9. For God's sake, don't even go to San Francisco. Once you enter the city, there is nothing the Department of Homeland Security can do for you.

Ill gotten gains

robrohr — Sat, 25 Feb 2006 04:10:00 GMT

Yesterday I capped off an exciting two years of ill-gotten gains, or at least barely-deserved gains, with the winning of a $10 gift certificate to iTunes.

How did I manage that, you may ask? I read a blog post by Robert Scoble, about a new daily video blog called 88slide, which he said was similar to Rocketboom. Now, I'm familiar with Rocketboom. I really like Rocketboom. So I went to 88slide and checked them out.

88slide premise: Provide a 60 second video clip, ask a trivia question, give away a prize. New content/trivia/prize each day. Be hip. Be ~~happining~~ happening. Subscribe via iTunes, and get snazzy content downloaded automatically to your mp3 player.

88slide real premise: show seductively clad young lady sashaying through possibly interesting venue, while glossing over all but the least interesting and generalized information about said venue (30 seconds). Talk about prize (10 seconds). Ask trivia question (5 seconds). List answer to yesterday's trivia question (8 seconds). Announce yesterday's winner (cutaway to non-seductive non-lady, use funny voice, 5 seconds). Invite back tomorrow (2 seconds).

Boring. Answer trivia question. Get reminder email next morning to check out new exciting content. Unsubscribe. Get congratulations email from 88slide that I'm lucky winner of trivia contest from day before. Whee. $10 at the iTunes store.

I can now add that to my list of Things I Have Won in the Last Two Years.

$10 gift certificate, iTunes store - trivia contest at video blog site
Visual Studio 2005 Professional ($899 value) - Microsoft OneNotePowerToyContest finalist.
Motorola MPX220 smart phone ($300 value) - TechEd 2005, focus group participant
Rio iRiver PMC120 portable media player (500$ value) - TechEd 2005, Mobilizer Madness scavenger hunt
Microsoft X-Box ($150 value) - TechEd 2004, Tech-Ed bloggers partner drawing

So, I guess I do feel lucky.

Update: I got a little late-night feedback on my critique, and perhaps I just saw a stinker of an episode. Yes, I'm sure I saw some statistical outliers on the 88slide quality continuum. Each episode is only 60 seconds.

"Guns & Cammo" - first episode I saw, from which I answered the trivia and was picked to win $10 at iTunes.

"Farmer's Market" - in which my mad trivia skillz are announced and I resist the urge to choose a.) Pomona as the only non-tomato in the batch.

The Mobilizer Madness has been podcast.

robrohr — Wed, 08 Jun 2005 01:36:00 GMT

Is podcast a verb or am I just verbing nouns again?

Those folks roaming the TechEd Convention on Segways, wearing black shirts are the TechEd 2005 Podcast Crew. They spent the better part of Monday evening filming the Mobilizer Madness scavenger hunt. The (video) podcast of our march (shuffle?) to victory on Monday is now available. If you want, you can subscribe to the TechEd 2005 Podcast feed as well. I've downloaded some of the video onto my new iRiver and it's pretty sweet. I don't know why the list price is 2.5 times that of an X-Box, but that doesn't mean I'm in any hurry to return it.

You can also see an interview with Samantha Bee, of the Daily Show fame here as well.

How can I get started with podcasting? Eat less and exercise. Sorry, but that's the only advice I know.

Monday Mobilizer Madness Winners...

robrohr — Mon, 06 Jun 2005 20:58:00 GMT

And the winners of the Monday Night Mobilizer Madness is...

The canux!

Why am I so excited about this? Because I was granted honorary canuxxedness at the last minute as the contest was about to start.

Only two of the team members were actually from Canada, but they were good-natured enough to grant us temporary asylum. Apparently it involves holding a beer while tearing about the convention center. Thankfully, no Scotsmen were injured during this event.

There was another team named the canucks, but they apparently expended all their mental effort on spelling and grammar, rather than the important things (don't spill your beer while running up the stairs.) I guess this would mean that we are the canuxx0rz!

The Spoils:

Contrary to the literature, the winning team members did not win "brand spanking new VX6600 Verizon Smartphone(s)." We did, however, each win an iriver PMC-120 portable media player.

Team members:

Jeff Gerard - Wawanesa Insurance
Terry Smith - Wawanesa Insurance
Steve Shurte - Lexis Nexis
Matt Lipinski - Lexis Nexis
Doug Lutz - Lexis Nexis
Andrew Loree - Lexis Nexis
Rob Rohr - University of Vermont

Honorary award for Best Team Name goes to: The Asshats. I wonder if my prissy blog will edit that one out?

Everybody was tremendously good sports. Good luck to the folks going on Tuesday & Wednesday evenings!

Oh, Canada! Our home and native land...

Free iPods!

robrohr — Wed, 02 Mar 2005 19:31:00 GMT

I'm doing a little social experiment. I'm trying to see what is the minimum amount of work I have to do to get free stuff.

I'm unwilling to assault my friends & family with the recommended referral text.

Hey-

Check out this great site that is giving away totally FREE iPods!

I've joined and I think you should as well.

It's a completely legitimate offer, and this company has already given away $4 million in FREE stuff!

All you have to do is join, complete an online offer, and refer friends to do the same. That's it!

Here is my referral link. To help me get my iPod, click this exact link to join, or copy and paste it into a browser:
http://www.freeiPods.com/?r=15739893

I'm trying to get 5 people to click the link above, and bullheadedly thrash their way through the marketing onslaught that follows, find the cheapest offer that can be quickly abandoned, then sit back and hope friends and/or strangers are similarly greedy and want "free" stuff.

Because I didn't use a referral link from one of the existing Free iPod conga lines (Google it, must I link everything?), I can't take the absolutely laziest route to potential free tech goodness.

My "free" offer was for credit card purchase protection services that normally come with any regular credit card. I pay $1 for the first month, get a $20 gift card for Circuit City, and can cancel after 7 days.

I view this marketing experiment as practice for living in the year 2025 (am I being optomistic?) If only one of the offers were for a Chip-in-the-Head(tm). I would be on that in a New York Minute!

I suppose I might win one at TechEd. I'll keep you updated. I'm sure you're dying to know how this all turns out.

Personal friends, acquaintances & family:

Thank you for not inviting me to join in this nasty bit of viral marketing
You're more than welcome to thank me for not giving your personal information to these folks.
Whatever you do, don't show everyone how willing you are to sell out your friend's personal contact information to placate your own greed.

Update: [3/6/2005] One would click the following referral link (http://www.freeiPods.com/default.aspx?referer=freeipod@robrohr.org) and register and fulfill one offer in order to generate the five referrals I'd need.